Getting at the root of your kid’s anger defuses the whole encounter and allows discussions to take place on a calmer level. Are they mad about something in school? Are they upset about a broken relationship? Are they unhappy with some decisions they’ve made? It’s not a good idea to isolate an angry child. Also, dig into the “whys” of your child’s anger. Get them to open up and share what’s going on. If your teen turns their wrath into a cold shoulder, don’t abandon them. Instead, say something like … You’re coming off like you’re very angry. If you encounter a fiery flare up with your child, don’t match their temper with your own. But an angry attitude should not be excused or ignored. Everybody gets fired up from time to time. It’s important to realize that anger is not necessarily a bad thing. This need could be something important like wanting praise or acceptance, or it could be something trivial like not having a new phone or being grounded. In working with teens for over thirty years, I have discovered that all anger is an emotional response to an unmet need. But I’ve also seen teens turn that anger inward, and become depressed, isolated and lonely. I’ve seen irate kids punch holes in the drywall or bang their heads onto the floor in fury. For a teenager, rage can be processed in a variety of ways. If you have a teen with an angry attitude, you’re in good company! At some point, every parent experiences the wrath of an angry child. Assure your son or daughter that it’s okay to drop the tension once in awhile to relax and have fun. Give your worried child an opportunity to breathe and escape the world that overwhelms them. At the dinner table, don’t talk about what needs to be done tomorrow or the problems of the day. If you see your child with these tendencies, give them the freedom to take a break. But too much worry and your teen can quickly spiral out of control. Pressure can help us study harder, practice more and prepare better. Hey, a little anxiety is a great motivator. When you interact with them, they put off an air of restlessness and trouble. This is the child that develops social qualms, has levels of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and lives in a state of fear about all the terrible things that could happen to them. They feel the concerns and pressures of parents, peers, or culture (and maybe a mixture of all three) and gain an attitude of self-doubt and apprehension. Our society is silently producing more and more young people who are stressed, stretched, and strained. Maybe you’ve noticed that there seem to be more anxious adolescents than ever. Show your troubled son or daughter that life has more joy and happiness that what he or she can see at the moment. Take time to point out the myriad of pure, noble, right, and true things happening all around the world. Unfortunately, it’s the tragic and evil things that receive the majority of the spotlight in media. Show your teen that this world has good things to offer, as well. Even with their best efforts to remain shielded, they can’t help but express sorrow, worry and fear that spills over into other people’s lives.įor the child with angst, dad or mom, you have to put it all into perspective. So they develop an attitude of anguish and try to block out the world. This outlook on life is common among kids who look around at the state of our culture-famine, war, disease, murder, inequality-and think, Hey, this is not right! I don’t know if I really care about this world after all. He hates going to school, is afraid of social events, or angry about the state of the world. The child with angst demonstrates a constant dread-a fear of life and the world. Recognizing which attitude our teen exhibits will help us address the behavior and find a peaceable resolution in our homes. While each child is unique, you can generally categorize the teenage mindset in one of four ways. I’ve definitely witnessed all the physical and verbal manifestations of a bad attitude. Over the years, we’ve accommodated more than 2,500 kids at the Heartlight residential program. You’re never quite sure which teen is going to show up. Others pull a Jekyll and Hyde trick-one minute a sweet and caring child, the next an angry and arrogant teen. Some teens grow into their brash behaviors and wear them like a badge of honor. The symptoms include (but aren’t limited to) the classic eye-roll, the angry outburst, the sarcastic retort, the very loud and long sigh, the cold shoulder, the hot temper, or the look your child gives you that declares, I think everything you’re saying right now is totally ridiculous. Stinkin’ thinkin’ can ruin anybody’s day.Īt some point, every teen drives every parent crazy over a bad attitude. Nothing brings down the mood of your household any quicker than a teen whose outlook has gone south.
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